I am so not Canada's Top Chef

For a long time I thought I hated cooking.  I seemed to avoid doing it like the plague yet when the mood struck me I would spend hours in the kitchen making 5 or 6 different recipes and then freezing them so that we had home cooked meals in the freezer for the next few weeks.  It wasn't until about 2 years ago when I was following Weight Watchers that I realized it wasn't the cooking I hated.  It was everything else before the cooking and after the cooking I hated.  You know what I am talking about.  Planning the meals. Doing the grocery list. Going grocery shopping. Putting it all away. Prepping all the ingredients. And then the worst part, the clean up after the fact. That is what I didn't like.  The actual cooking part was fun and allowed me a sense of accomplishment, especially when I went a whole week cooking meals at home and not getting take out.

Growing up we always had home cooked meals.  Always.  My mom was a single mom for many years yet it never seemed to matter how tired she was or how late we got home we always had a home cooked meal.  I can honestly only remember eating out a few times as kid and often was when we went to visit our grandmother and she would take us to her favorite little restaurant in Truro called Murphys. Eating out was just something we didn't do. We had family meals every night when I lived at home and Sunday night dinners were always a typical big Sunday dinner.  I have no idea how she did it because once I had kids I seemed to struggle to make sure I had home cooked meals most nights, never mind every night.

I never thought much about how much work went into making sure we had good meals until I had a family of mine that I had to cook for.  And even then I still seemed to cheat in making meals - Kraft Dinner from a box, Hamburger Helper, frozen chicken fingers, etc.  Don't get me wrong, I often made a more balanced meal then that but the reality was there were a lot of convenience foods available to me and I took full advantage. As the kids got older and their lives got busier it seems we easily ate out two or three nights week.  Subway on the way home from hockey, pizza Friday night because it was the end of the week and I didn't want to cook, etc. It suddenly became easier to grab something on the way home then it did to come home and make something.

The problem with that is it is expensive and it means you never have food in your house so then you just keep eating out all the time because you can't find anything to make.  So it becomes a vicious cycle.  A few years ago I finally decided to do something about my weight and realized I couldn't continue to avoid cooking so I started making meals at home.  And it was all going well until a few months ago when I seemed to fall off the "cooking is wonderful" bandwagon and found us once again relying on take out for most of our meals.

Part of my commitment plan for 2014 included making more meals at home.  And I am proud to say that it has been 12 days of cooked meals and no take out.  To most people that isn't a huge victory but to me it is huge.  And having a husband who helps me is a big part of that.  We meal plan together, go shopping together and do all the prep work together. And since I do the cooking he does the clean up which is the part I hate the most!  And the bonus?  There is always leftovers in the fridge for everyone to have for lunch. Most days I actually have a choice of what I can have for lunch. Imagine!

The plan is to go all of January without eating one meal out. We are almost halfway there.  Wish us luck!!

Who knew I had something in common with Oprah

The road to hell is paved with good intentions. 

If I could sum up my life long struggles with my weight and my desire to lose it it would easily be that proverb.

Oprah Winfrey and I don't have much in common but the one thing we do have in common is that we have both lost and gained more weight in our lifetime then either of us care to admit (well, I don't know what she really thinks since I don't actually know her, but I know I don't want to admit it). 

There are a few differences in our struggles though.  For example - 

•  Oprah has to do it on national TV, gossip magazines, blogs, etc.  She can't hide from the critics when she gains weight.  I can.  I can hide in the house and only venture out when needed. I can pretend that people won't recognize that I am a size larger since the last time they saw me. But which of us has a better life?  The one going out and dealing with it head on or the one hiding from the truth?

•  Oprah has a whole staff of people to help her. Cooks, nutritionist, trainers.  I have just me. So if Oprah, who has an army helping her reach her goals, can't do it then what hope do I have?  

•  Oprah seems to be happy regardless of what her weight is.  I never seem to be happy no matter what my weight is.  When I am smaller all I do is think about how I am going to gain it all back and spend time worrying about it.  When I am bigger I am embarrassed at my weight so I obsess about what I can do to lose it.  I talk the talk but rarely walk the walk.

One of my commitments for this year isn't the usual - lose weight, exercise 6 times a day, eat an all kale diet for 30 days or any of those other resolutions that seem to set me up for failure. It is to get healthy through proper nutrition and exercise. This commitment will hopefully help remind me that this is a life long battle for me and not one that can have a quick fix. The only way I can get it off and keep it off is to see that I have to make changes for life, not simply changes for a year or so.  Easy to say, hard to do for me.

But I will do it.  Because if there is one thing I know it is this - my need to succeed far outweighs my fear of failure. 

And I have a closet full of clothes that I really like and really want to wear.  If a girl can't be motivated by clothes then what can she be motivated by?

Helloooo World! Or at least hello to the two people reading this.

No one has ever accused me of being a trendsetter.  

Which could explain why after years of other people blogging about anything and everything I have decided to join this new, and somewhat scary, world.  Yep, I am going to blog.  About what I still haven't really decided.  Knowing me it could change from day to day.  

Which for anyone reading this could be a good thing.  Because lets be honest....after about the tenth post of what I have eaten, if I did or did not exercise on any given day, what wacky design idea I came up with or what celebrity is suddenly finding themselves divorced, you would probably stop checking this blog on a regular basis.

I decided this year to say screw it to resolutions and instead adopt something more along the lines of commitments for 2014.  One of my commitments for 2014 was this blog.  After talking about it for 6 months and my good friend L encouraging me to finally get going, I am getting going. Because I procrastinated on this (anyone who knows me would be shocked to read that I know!) don't be surprised if I suddenly make a layout change or try a new font or color.  Like me, this blog is a work in progress.  And one that will hopefully be even better in the future.  The blog too.

Did anyone else do a resolution list/commitment list this year?  

Here is mine for 2014 and the trick will be sticking to it longer then a Kardashian can stick to a marriage.  Challenging right?!  

  

Happy New Year everyone and looking forward to hanging out with you more this year!

A.